In my prepubescent years, I remember spending countless post-school afternoons in front of the television set with my brother, watching NBC's Harlem Huffington. With his flawlessly charismatic smile and the ability to always deliver the perfect line, Shermy Sheldon was hands down way cooler than Ricky Schroeder or Kim Fields -­ hell, even "Family Ties" couldn't hold up to the almighty acting power of Sheldon. With numerous Emmy nominations and hundreds of appearances in all the major gossip magazines, it seemed as if Shermy Sheldon would go down in history as the best teen actor ever.

And then the horror hit. Shermy Sheldon's career took a nosedive as Dick Clark callously banned him from showbiz, and Shermy was eventually placed in the State Pen for undisclosed reasons. TV fans around the world were in absolute shock. Rumors abounded that Sheldon had collapsed the last vein in his drug-ravaged body, leaving his junkied frame to sink into a heap of rotting heroin and sub-par 8-balls.

Our hearts were broken. My brother was barely able to keep his eyes dry, and with my own dreams of one day meeting Shermy shot to hell, I fled from the warmth of the TV set and settled on music as my means of relaxation.

But 2001 brought a spark of hope back to thousands of '80s-bred TV fans! Sheldon reappeared, teamed up with a disheveled group of cross dressing, makeup-wearing nuts, to back the new Sheldon aural experience -- the Hollywood Superstars! Shermy Sheldon had reentered my life, but instead of taking his chances on the screen, he had opted to express himself via the underground music scene. However, as I scanned the latest Superstars release, something very suspicious caught my eye. Somehow, somewhere, Shermy Sheldon had met up with the 53-year-old ex-CIA assassin Captain T, and had convinced him to man the electric six-string in Sheldon's band. And if Captain T was in the band, trouble was sure to be nearby.

Whether the band is paying homage to Sheldon's former teenage wife, Sassy Baxter ("A Song for Sassy Baxter") or his notorious drug feeding frenzies ("Tonight's the Night"), the Hollywood Superstars steer through reckless punk rock abandonment that encompasses Captain T's honed guitar technique and Sheldon's never-ending stage banter. This concept band takes it to the extreme, chronicling the pure hell that has been Sheldon's life. The Superstars even dissect Randy Newman's "I Love L.A.", adding a contemporary interpretation to this '80s classic. And while the occasional sloppy rhythm change hints that the Hollywood Superstars aren't exactly ready to host Guitar Center clinics, it's really all about Shermy, and the band never fails to propel its valiant leader back to his limelight status. I hadn't had this much fun since the watching the first season of Harlem Huffington!

Sheldon and company are like a campier version of GWAR, without the torrential outpouring of foul bodily liquids. The Superstars' manager, Colonel Wallace Perkins, with a bit of arrogance, even confided to me, "These boys are hotter 'n gold." When asked to clarify this baffling description, Perkins scowled and stated that he would defer any further comments, and would instead let the music do the talking.

And indeed, talk it does, as this whirlwind musical extravaganza has spiraled into a mess of illegal substances, greasy rock 'n' roll riffs and an attitude that doesn't quit until you've heard the final note of "Look Skyward". Forget all the rest -- here's the best that California has to offer, and it's all to the tune of Shermy Sheldon, childhood superstar.